Friday 27 December 2013

Valerie and Me - leading up to marriage


Now, one thing that there wasn’t a lot of was money. It didn’t help that Valerie lived in Romford - 21 miles away from me down in Streatham. It did help that we worked in the same building - 75 Cornhill, slap bang in the middle of The City. This meant that, most of the time, we spent our evenings together up in the West End rather than going home. We did regularly visit each other’s houses but it was expensive and time-consuming. We both had season tickets for the journey from home to The City so that cut some of the cost.

Still, spending our evenings in the West End around Oxford Street/Regent Street etc. wasn’t a bad way to spend our time. Eventually, it fell into a pattern. Leave work and get a tube train to Tottenham Court Road. Go to the “Joe Lyons” just down Oxford Street and have Sausage Rolls and Chips (I can’t remember having anything different!). From there, we would wander up Oxford Street and go to either the Cartoon Cinema at Oxford Circus or at Marble Arch. This was, in the winter, a cheap way of being together and keeping warm. This was my first exposure to the Road Runner, by the way. Following the hour spent there, Valerie would always want to walk around Soho. We had a special route which ended up somewhere down Wardour Street. She always wanted to walk down the side street there past the windows with “the girls” sitting there looking for custom. Yes, she was pretty prurient in those days - don’t tell her I have told on her!

We got to know all of the little byways and back roads in the area. Funnily enough, we really didn’t care where we went or what we did, so long as we were together - aaahhhh!

At weekends she would come and stay at mine or I would go to hers. Hers was a better option because her house had a bathroom. Having a bath in our flat in Streatham involved getting the tin bath in from the garden, filling it up with hot water either from the washing boiler or, later, from a Ascot water heater that we had installed by the sink. This meant that all three of us would share the same water. My brother used to go down to Tooting Broadway where there was baths just for this purpose. Funny that these thing don’t exist any more. 

The draw back from having to go over to Valerie’s for the weekend was that I seemed to have acquired a regular job during the summer. Although their garden looked only about 40 feet long, in reality, there was another 100 or so feet behind the hedge. Guess whose job it was to cut all that grass! Yes, you guessed it - ME! I used to look forward to the winter.

Eventually, I left the bank in Cornhill and ended up working at the bank’s Wimbledon Bridge branch - yup - 100 yards down the road from where I worked from 1995 through to 2001. As this meant a messy journey on three buses from home, I tried to buy a motor bike. My brother had always had a motor bike so I thought that getting Dad to be a guarantor for the loan would be easy. By the way, the bike I was looking at was a small Suzuki which cost a stupendous £75. You almost can’t fill a tank of petrol for that money nowadays. To say that Dad was against this idea is an understatement. I had obviously not realised just how many sleepless nights my brother had caused  by his ‘episodes’ on his Matchless. I also have a sneaking suspicion that Dad’s activities on a motor bike had a lot to do with it as well. In any case, he refused so the only option was to get Moped. Now a Moped is the worst of all worlds. It was drivable on a car driving licence, had a 50cc engine with a limited top speed of 30mph and a set of pedals - hence the “ped” in the title. The pedals were used to get the thing going from a standstill and, very occasionally, helping up a steep hill.The Raleigh RM4 automatic Moped (£60 0s 0p) that I bought was extremely economical but had a big flaw. There was no fuel gauge.

I used it to go to and from work and then used to park it up at Tooting Broadway underground station when I went to visit Valerie. Eventually, I did do the whole 21 mile journey on it over to Romford and back. I remember some very cold journeys home from there, leaving at 10pm in the winter. It seemed to take for ever. On a couple of memorable occasions, I ran out of petrol and had to push it to a garage. It was supposed to be able to unlock the pedal drive and ride it like a normal bike but it was so heavy that this was nigh on impossible. The worst occasion that I remember was when crossing a junction at MileEnd - some miles from Tower Bridge. As I rode across the crossroads, the spring link on the chain came off. I managed to cruise across to a safe place. I was now well and truly stuck. All that was left to do was to try and find the spring link. As the crossroads was managed by a set of traffic lights, I had to keep waiting for them to go red - run out for a quick search - dash back - repeat as required! Amazingly, I did find it and managed to get going again. I think that this period was probably the most uncomfortable of my whole life!

For holidays, we used to visit Valerie’s grandparents who lived in Chippenham. It was a cheap way of getting away and it was in a very different part of the country. We used to visit Bath and Weston-Super_mare, to name just two of the places. I did have a nice photo of Valerie sitting on the cliff top somewhere in the region but unfortunately, I can’t find it now. On one memorable occasion though, I went on holiday with Valerie and her parents. We had a week down in Dorset - at Lyme Regis. We stayed at a guest house called The Roost, run  by Mr. and Mrs. Brown. I had a room near the attic, I seem to remember. One advantage of going on holiday with Valerie’s parents was that her Dad had a company car. In the early days it was a Morris Minor Estate. Mostly they were green, like this one, but he did have one light blue one.


However, on this occasion, I seem to remember that he had a light green Ford Anglia Estate. We had a great time in a part of the country that none of us had been before. It did have one longer lasting result. When we were married and with Sam and Simon in tow (plus our new puppy - Cindy) we revisited Mrs. Brown and were regular visitors to Lyme Regis for many years after.


We determined to get married around early 1965 and started saving for the big day. In the meantime, I had to get her an engagement ring. This entailed a visit to Winegartens in Bishopsgate. This was a large jeweller which gave bank staff a discount so we saved money there as well. By now, I was back in The City after my sojourn in Wimbledon. I was working in the Foreign Department having just replaced John Major (yes - That John Major - UK Prime Minister many years later). This relieved the pressure on travelling as I no longer had to get from Tooting to The City and, once again, I had a season ticket for the Underground. This meant that we could get to each other’s houses a bit easier so the dreadful Moped was disposed of. As we were, supposedly, saving we did cut down our expenses but one thing that Valerie and I have never managed to do really successfully is save money!

Humour

There were three main humour influences in my life - in time order:
The Goon Show
The Strange World of Gurney Slade
I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again

The Goon Show was a radio program that ran from 1951 to 1960. I first cottoned on to this programme when at Grammar School so around 1956-57. There seas a big problem, however. Dad couldn’t stand the program so I had to listen elsewhere. Elsewhere, more often or not, turned out to be in the front room. Now the problem with that was that my brother would be in there with his girl friend. Never mind, I am sure that she (whichever one it was) didn’t mind me sitting in there like a lemon for 30 minutes once a week. 

We had a competition at school for an original play - set by Mr. Dobson, our English teacher.  The winning entry was written by one of my friends; unfortunately, I can’t remember which one. However, the script that he wrote was for a Goon Show. I was casted as Neddie Seagoon - the character played by Harry Seacombe on the radio. It seems that I could do his voice. The play was about a “phantom rice pudding thrower”. The winner got to cast and rehearse the play and to make a recording on the school tape recorder for playing to the whole year. We did the recording in the Woodwork room. I don’t remember much about it except for one of my lines - “Anyone at home - anyone at Ho-ome”, which I can remember doing quite well as Seagoon. 

The problem we had was making the sound effect of the rice pudding being thrown and hitting. This was solver using two props. One was a wet dish cloth, which was thrown onto the floor at high speed. The splat it made recorded very well. The real problem was to create the sound of the rice pudding flying through the air. I am not sure who suggested it but we “borrowed” an item from the Sick Room.Now the sick room had a secondary purpose. It was in this room that all of the canings took place. In those days, a very effective means of maintaining the bulk of us school kids into some kind of rational behaviour was to thrash the occasional pupil with 6 whacks of the cane!  The canes were bamboo, as I remember, which a formed curved hand hold like a walking stick. We cadged one of these and combining a swift downward thrust of the cane through the air, followed by hurling the wet dish cloth onto the floor produced a very effective representation of a rice pudding flying through the air and landing!

Next up came the television program “The Strange World of Gurney Slade”. This was, as the title suggested, very strange. It starred Anthony Newley before he became a famous singer and songwriter. There is a nice description of the program on Wikipedia . I was in my last year at school at this time and was learning how to play the flute, courtesy of the Territorial Army unit at Clapham Junction. To be honest, I can't remember too much about the contents of the program after 50 years but I do remember loving it. I do remember that we had a Scout Gang Show coming up around this time. I was helping out running the Cub Pack at the time and the Akela - Judith - suggested that with her on the guitar and me on the flute, we could attempt the theme tune. I have to say that I eventually bottled out! Here is the theme tune, as used in the very first episode- on YouTube

Lastly, well, what can I say - I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again pretty much changed our lives (Roger and me that is). Yet again, the inevitable Wikipedia entry  gives the full background. I can’t remember a better time to be listening to the radio. The whole thing was son anarchical and “off the wall” that it made us rethink our humour for the rest of our lives. There are many episodes available on the web so I will leave it to you to track them down. To give you just one example of the “zany” humour that was a regular part of the show, check out the following bit of dialogue involving Masher Wilkins. 
MW: “I have been trailing my way through this impenetrable ferret!
Other: Ferret - don’t you mean Forest?
MW: No I mean Stoat!
Other: Stoat?
MW: Yes, it is stoat ally impenetrable.

The other thing that sticks in my mind is the plays - they used to appear as a serial through series. The best one has to be “The Curse Of The Flying Wombat”. Roger and I managed to get tickets to a recording during this time so had the great privilege of seeing one episode live! As an example of the form, this is the cast list for “Flying Wombat”

The Curse of the Flying Wombat
Written by Graeme Garden and Bill Oddie
'King Lear' – John Cleese
Tim Brown-Windsor – Tim Brooke-Taylor
Mr. Hatch – David Hatch
Lady Fiona Rabbit-Vacuum (Jim-Lad) – Jo Kendall
Captain Cleese – John Cleese
'Lookout' – Bill Oddie
Casey O'Sullivan – Bill Oddie
Masher Wilkins – John Cleese
Maisie Robinson (the International Temptress) – Jo Kendall
Grimbling (Butler to Tim's Aunt) – Bill Oddie
Lady Constance de Coverlet – Tim Brooke-Taylor
"Hurricane" Flossie (Lady Constance's identical twin sister) – Tim Brooke-Taylor
Slave-girl trader – Bill Oddie
Colonel Clutch-Featheringhaugh – David Hatch
Nosebone (the Great White Hunter) – Bill Oddie
Wong (the Supply-keeper) – Tim Brooke-Taylor
Wong Tu (his brother) – John Cleese
'Armand' – Bill Oddie

Here are a couple of snippets of the best humour ever produced (well maybe not but it had us rolling around laughing).

A: Meet our new supply keeper - his name is Wong.
B: But he is Chinese!
Wong: “Supplies, Supplies” - politically incorrect nowadays but not then!

King Lear - Look up in the sky - the sun is like a huge red ball.
Grimbling: No sir, that’s my balloon.

A: Meet our White Hunter.
B: But he is black!
Nosebone: Man I have hunted more whites than you have had hot missionaries.
(as before - politically incorrect nowadays but not then!)

Lady Constance: Help me on deck, I am covered in mosquito bites
King Lear: Ah, Lady Constance, you are coming up to scratch.


Enough of this, I say!!!!

Cars - 1

 I thought that I might take a break from historic events and try and explain my trip through a variety of cars. This will be a simple list ...